


Home is Where You Are

by Whimzette



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, jasper gets redemption, mostly from Lapis POV, rating may go up later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 11:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4958989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whimzette/pseuds/Whimzette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Malachite is separated, Lapis thinks she can have a new start away from Jasper, Peridot and Homeworld. Little does she know that the cluster is about to hatch, meaning that she'll have to ally up with not only the Crystal Gems, but also Jasper in order to stop them. Can the two work together with their knowledge of Homeworld in order to deactivate the Cluster? </p><p>(This is canon divergence after "When it Rains")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_She was suffocating. She couldn’t breathe. Any time she tried to gasp for air, she just got a lung full of more water._

 

  
_Her chest felt like exploding. Her entire body was weighted down in each direction and she couldn’t seem to find where exactly it was coming from._

 

 

_She was scared._

 

 

_She was so…so scared._

 

 

_She wanted to scream for help. She wanted to cry at the top of her lungs for anyone to save her._

 

 

_Anyone. Please. Please help._

 

 

_Help me. Help me. Help me._

 

 

_Anyone…_

 

 

_But no one came. No one ever came. No one would help her from this hell._

 

 

_This hell that she created._

 

 

_She wanted to give up so badly. She wanted to let the weight of the ocean consume her. She wanted to choke on that water until she drowned. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t give into her dark desires._

 

 

_She had to protect Steven. Had to protect him from Her._

 

 

_Just the thought of that beast touching him, hurting him….killing him made anger swell in her stomach. She could feel the strength return just a bit into her wrists and ankles_ _where those thick shackles connected her to the monster beneath her._

 

 

_She was terrified. Terrified of her body collapsing, of her mind blacking out long enough for Her to take control. She couldn’t let that happen. She had to prove that she could save someone._

 

 

_That she was useful. That she wasn’t weak._

 

 

_If she died. If her gem shattered, she would at least want to show that she tried._

 

 

_She’d tried so hard._

 

 

_But, even with that small surge of strength, she could feel just how exhausted she was. Both her and that beast were at their wits end, but she knew that She was just waiting….waiting to give that last ounce of herself to exact her revenge._

 

 

_Every day it seemed that She was getting closer to winning. She was made for war, for fighting. Even though She was growing weaker as well, she could feel her anticipation._

 

 

_Tik-tok tik-tok._

 

 

_She couldn’t let her win…._

 

 

_Tik-tok._

 

 

_But her arms hurt so badly…_

 

 

_Tik._

 

  
_Her legs trembled and her back ached. She just wanted to sleep._

 

  
_Tok._

 

  
_No…she couldn’t give up. What about Steven? She had to protect Steven!!_

 

  
_She could feel that sudden pull. The fear that hit her in the stomach so hard she lost whatever breath that she had left. Her body goes lop-sided. She can feel her feet sinking through that heady liquid as the strength dynamics shift. She feels as if she’s screaming, but she can’t hear her voice, just the pain in her throat._

 

 

_She’s being forced under so quickly. How did She do it? How did She take control?_

 

  
_There’s a ringing in her ears, sharp and painful._

 

 

_No._

 

  
_No._

 

  
_Steven, no._

 

  
_No!_

 

  
_She’s struggling against those shackles, struggling to work her way above that water that separates her from that beast. She can’t lose. She can’t be destroyed by something so vile!_

 

  
_Her lungs are screaming, her eyes are watering. She can feel a large hand wrapping itself around her neck, grip tightening._

 

  
_Tightening. Tightening._

 

  
_It’s so dark, but she swears she can see the golden eyes of a killer in front of her, wide and carnal, excited by the thought of death._

 

  
_She feels useless. Worthless._

 

  
_She tried, but it wasn’t enough._

 

 

_I’m so sorry Steven…I’m so sorry._

 

  
_Just when she begins seeing stars—of course not real stars, not the ones that mattered—in the corner of her eyes, she hears a pained roar that shakes her to her core._

 

  
_She’s forced away from the claws of the beast so suddenly, as if a wicked tunnel is suctioning her away. It takes her a moment but she realizes that roar is her voice….both of their voices._

 

  
_Malachite._

 

  
_The shackles are breaking and she doesn’t have enough time to wonder if it’s a good thing or bad. Is She in control? Is She surfacing from the ocean? Is She going to hurt him?_

 

  
_She pleads to the stars above that whatever happens, Steven is safe. That the Crystal Gems can save him from whatever is happening._

 

  
_Her vision goes black, no longer able to hear the screams as her and the beast are physically ripped apart from one another._

 


	2. New Tide

There’s warmth surrounding her.

 

 

That’s the first thing Lapis realizes when she first starts coming to. Warmth in both the sense that she feels heat around her body, but also awareness of security and protection that makes her much more relaxed and at ease. It feels so nice, but also completely foreign…

 

 

Lapis can’t remember the last time she felt so content.

 

 

At least a few hundred thousand years…

 

 

The warmth engulfing her body brings an unraveling in consciousness, and soon that relaxing feeling is shifting towards wariness and uncertainty. Lapis wishes that she could revel in such sweetness, but deep down she knows that this isn’t right. It couldn’t be. She’s confused and doesn’t know exactly where she could be. The only sort of conclusion that fit the environment presenting itself was her gem.

 

 

And that conclusion scares her.

 

 

If it truly is her gem, then something must have happened for her to cave in on herself and enter the Lapis Lazuli for protection. It makes sense, but even when she was inside of her gem before it never felt so safe. If anything, Lapis always felt isolated with her thoughts, especially after being stuck in that mirror for so long.

 

 

She does feel isolated, but not lonely. That much she can make out in her growing awareness of her surroundings. She can tell that wherever she was she was by herself, but it also feels as though she was cared for, or that something was watching out for her. It was all so confusing…she doesn’t know how she’s coming up with these assumptions, but it all just feels _right._

 

 

And she doesn’t hurt, which surprises her as well. She doesn’t know why, can’t fathom why that is the case, but she doesn’t. If anything, Lapis feels alive and healthy, almost as if she was reborn, thus furthering her assumption that she might be in her gem. How did she get here though? What happened…?

 

 

And then sudden realization hits her like a brick.

 

 

Malachite…Jasper…

 

 

 She’d been so spent trying to keep the large gem from harming Steven. How long had they been down there? How long had she kept Jasper at bay? Lapis can recall that breaking point when she had been at her mercy with her hand around her neck. She can still feel how tight she’d been squeezing, as if wanting to pop Lapis’s head right off her shoulders. Jasper had been so close to getting what she wanted, what ended up stopping her?

 

 

There were so many questions—so many things that she wanted to know. She can be relieved to know that wherever she is, she isn’t shattered like Jasper had been hoping to no doubt accomplish. She can also be relieved—or doubly horrified—to know that she must be separated from Malachite. Of course that brings on more worries, the number one being if Steven was okay.

 

 

Steven…

 

 

Just saying his name brings a wave of calm and serenity through her being, and Lapis has to wonder—has to hope that her feeling of safety is because of him. Even if he was so young and still growing, Steven held so much love and compassion for her.

 

 

Lapis believed that if there is a reason for Malachite breaking apart, it must have been because of Steven.

 

 

She wants to see him. She needs to know that he is okay.

 

 

Almost instantly, a gentle light embraces her, both snug and gentle as it coaxes Lapis out from the security of her gem. She feels hopeful, nervously excited even. She knows that Steven has to be close...

 

 

\---

 

 

When she emerges from her gem, there is a melodic little tune and a bright light that envelopes the room she’s in. It takes her but a mere moment for her entire body to reform, gracefully setting itself on the wooden floorboards beneath her. She can feel the soft fabric of her new dress resting along her body—still such a beautiful ocean blue against her skin. Lapis is honestly a bit wobbly on her feet which means she must have been in her gem for a bit of time for her joints to get rusty, but she is able to catch herself by placing a hand on the wall to her right.

 

 

Glancing about slowly, she’s met with the sights of small little figurines and archaic technology, a sight no doubt belonging to an Earthling of some kind. She moves her eyes down to her feet and leans down, picking up a small but very plump little pillow that has a slight indent in its center. It’s in the shape of a small teardrop—achingly similar to that of her own gem that’s situated on her back. Her fingers touch over the fabric daintily, and a knowing smile graces her lips. It’s a shy and insecurely hopeful little smile…but it’s there nonetheless.

 

 

Clutching the little pillow to her chest, Lapis moves about the loft, stepping and carefully twirling over the small figures—there’s a box that has the title “Guys”? she isn’t sure what that means, but it must be a collection of some sort—and is so intrigued by the little plushes draped about here and there.

 

 

From what she can gather, this must be the room of a human child. And, when she turns towards a hamper near the bed with a signature red shirt adorned with a yellow star peeking out from the lid—Lapis feels her heart clench with extreme relief. Her hold on the pillow slackens until it’s at her feet again, but she pays it no mind. She’s at the hamper, picking at the shirt until she has it in front of her. It has a few stains on it, one little tear near the collar, but Lapis finds it so charming. Opening the lid to the hamper out of curiosity for the contraption, she finds a small giggle escaping her over just how many red, yellow starred shirts there are.

 

 

After putting the shirt back and leaving the hamper be, Lapis is working her way down the stairs of the loft to the remaining portion of the house. She wouldn’t call herself overly curious by nature, but it seemed that there was no one here, and whereas she could definitely just leave without anyone ever knowing where she was….there’s a painful pinch at her chest and Lapis knows that she just can’t do that.

 

 

How could she leave without giving Steven a hello?

 

 

She knows that even with all of the clues—the red shirt being a prime example—she can’t just assume that this was the house of Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems…but there was that hope and with that hope blossomed an excited nervousness. Excitement because she could see Steven with her own eyes and see if he was truly okay, but nervousness because of….well.

 

 

The thought of the Crystal Gems makes her sick and Lapis grimaces visibly at just the thought of having any kind of contact with them. She knows that because she’s here safe, that whatever happened between her and Jasper once Malachite defused was more than likely from the help of them. Even glancing out the front windows that lead out to the ocean, there were no obvious signs of struggle or destruction to show some sort of large battle happening—that she is relieved. But, there is still so much unbridled anger inside of her towards those three guardians for leaving her in that mirror for so long.

 

 

It honestly confuses her, how Steven could love them so much after the terrible things that they had done. Perhaps he didn’t know, perhaps they didn’t want him to know…it made sense. Steven’s heart was so pure and too good for the world of gems, even if he was half of one. But she did hold resentment towards the Crystal Gems at the mere thought that they withheld information from him in order to make themselves seem innocent and pure in his eyes.

 

 

No gem was innocent. Not Garnet or Pearl. Not even Lapis herself.

 

 

But Steven somehow saw the good in her and every other gem that seemed to enter his life, and though it’s hypocritical over her to say it…she was glad that he valued her so much despite her flaws. Maybe that would change once they met again—maybe he holds resentment towards her for not letting him help her with Malachite. Maybe he’s terrified of her? Maybe he worries that she’s no longer herself because she was connected with Jasper for so long.

 

 

Lapis suddenly feels sick to her stomach, gripping at her dress with complete anxiety. She’s over thinking things, she knows she is…but what if she’s right? That of course doesn’t explain the pillow Steven more than likely had her resting on, but what if?....Stars, she could go on forever with such thoughts.

 

 

She takes in deep breaths to calm herself, closing her eyes and trying to stop the anxious shaking that cripples her quite often. When she releases the grip she has on her dress, Lapis is much better, though still wary. It definitely agonizes her that her emotions are all over the place….but it felt so much safer to worry than be blinded by ignorance.

 

 

She continues about the small and eerily empty house, looking through each cupboard in the kitchen and only jumping slightly when the heating contraption dings at her quite loudly after pressing buttons to create a timer. Lapis knows that some might call this snooping…but it helps with her anxiety and did help in passing the time while waiting for….someone to arrive.

 

 

The boxes in the cupboards are a mystery to her, as well as cans and such in a cooling mechanism. She pops open something that has a little opener at the top and drops it with a soft noise of surprise when it hisses at her. The liquid leaking onto the floor is brown and thick—bubbling kind of grossly while it spreads. Lapis is still while her eyes track it, just waiting for it to wear away at the flooring like some kind of acid—the curvy letters “soda pop” definitely ring true to its name in her opinion.

 

 

Once she is certain it won’t rot her hand, Lapis throws a cloth from the sink onto the floor and begins nudging at the liquid with her foot. She gives a quiet “blegh” when using her thumb and index finger to flick the cloth back into the sink—the floor was so sticky!! No doubt this was some kind of wickedly cruel weapon the Crystal Gems used in order to interrogate other gems. Lapis would need to be wary of this cooling technology where they were being held.

 

 

Being cautious of the kitchen, Lapis moves on, finding a room off to the side with some kind of faucet, a teleportation device—powered by water? How interesting!—and a tub of sorts with another hamper stuffed with more red shirts and yellow stars. It seemed that the house was just big enough for Steven, because Lapis didn’t find extra rooms for the Crystal Gems. Of course gems didn’t need to sleep, but rooms were useful for personal belongings—if gems had them of course.

 

 

It was then that Lapis notices the back half of the house, once exiting that smaller room of water-based technology. How she hadn’t seen it before she doesn’t know, but now her eyes are wide with bewildered disbelief. Before her is the entrance to a temple, a crystalline warp pad situated before its majestic door. Lapis looks off to the five pronged star, a different gem etched into each corner. A pearl, amethyst, ruby, sapphire and a rose quarts.

 

 

If she hadn’t been certain before, Lapis knew exactly where she is now. No wonder there weren’t any rooms for the gems; they all lived within the temple, no doubt to protect it from dangerous outsiders like Jasper and Peridot. Just the sight of it made her stomach queasy, and she could easily feel the powerful pull it had on her. In all honesty, she didn’t want to get too close. It’s obvious that the door could only be accessed from certain individuals for a reason, and she was definitely okay with not knowing what was on the other side.

 

 

There’s a thrumming in her ears that gives slight shivers all the way down to her toes, and Lapis instinctually takes a few steps back from the temple. It’s almost as if something is calling out to her from deep within, trying to catch her attention enough to try and get her to pry open the door before her.

 

 

She doesn’t like this…

 

 

  To be honest, seeing this temple on a place like Earth really sets in perspective for Lapis that she truly doesn’t know much about the landscape around her. She’d been in the mirror for so long, nothing was the same, especially on Homeworld. She felt so confused by everything, not really having enough time to get her bearings once released from the mirror by Steven. Lapis is so mystified by the large amounts of gem culture on a place like Earth, to the point that she wonders if the average human is even bothered by any gem related business that may happen around them.

 

 

Lapis keeps an eye on the temple as she goes to the couch that’s placed against the stairway, bringing her knees up to her chest with her arms around them protectively. The thrumming is still evident, but not as much now that she’s further away, but she still feels uneasy. Lapis doesn’t really know how long she ends up waiting, but by the time the bluish-white light from the warp pad appears, it’s nearly sunset. Three silhouettes are outlined in the center of the warp pad before the light vanishes completely, and soon Lapis is staring wide-eyed at the equally astonished Crystal Gems.

 

 

She stands up from the couch in a moment, her breathing already quickening out of panic. Lapis knows she hasn’t done any wrong—snooping can hardly be counted as harmful—but it doesn’t matter; the Crystal Gems already had their weapons out and pointed towards her, just in case she wanted to pull a fast one on them…which she doesn’t.

 

 

“Lapis Lazuli!” Pearl calls out, form ready to project herself at Lapis the moment she might try to break out in a run from them, “Where’s Steven?”

 

 

Lapis jerks her head back in shock. “E-excuse me?” Her voice is like a little squeak, almost in complete disbelief by the rude demand. “Why would I know where Steven is?”

 

 

It’s Garnet now that gives a tiny little growl at Lapis, holding up her fists in warning. “Do not play dumb, Lapis. We left Steven with you while we were gone and now that we are here it is obvious that he is not with you.”

 

 

Lapis is shaking her head wildly, hands out in front of her to show obvious surrender despite her rising anger with the three in front of her. How dare they assume that she would do anything to Steven! How dare they bring out their weapons on her without even giving her breathing room to talk! She definitely understands the protectiveness that the Crystal Gems feel for the little human boy, especially since he is a piece of the Rose Quartz they love so much…but Lapis did feel a bit sickened by the smothering violence they were showing in order to find out where he was.

 

 

“I already _told_ you, I don’t know where he is!” she’s giving each of them a pointed glare, her little hands now fists at her sides. Amethyst grumbles something under her breath, too low for Lapis to catch it, which only makes her more furious—definitely not helping with her already negative perception of them. “I’ve been sitting here for a good portion of the day! I have no idea what’s going on, I was alone here even when I came out from my gem!”

 

 

Pearl keeps her weapon up and directed towards Lapis, but there’s a sudden look of wariness that’s crossing her features. Obviously the one to imagine the worst first, she looks to Garnet questioningly. “Garnet, what if Steven is in trouble? What if Peridot—“

 

 

“It is alright Pearl,” Garnet interrupts her, a bit calmer now but still on edge. “If Peridot even thinks to try and hurt Steven, she knows that she will have to answer to us…and she is too scared to even try if she wanted to, in the state that she is in.”

 

 

Just the mention of Peridot’s name has Lapis shivering. She remembers Peridot being able to escape from her falling ship back when her and Jasper had originally captured Steven and the Crystal Gems. Just the idea of Peridot being able to escape, virtually unharmed makes Lapis bitter, especially since Peridot never seemed to try and find or contact either her or Jasper while they were in the ocean.

 

 

Well…true, it would be nearly impossible for her to, but it was obvious to Lapis that no one truly held any sort of real emotional value with Peridot. Everyone was some kind of fodder for her intellectual advancement, and Lapis wondered if Peridot was curious about Steven because of his intersectionality with human and gem culture.

 

 

 Lapis looks at them each, trying to clearly free herself of any suspicion. “Look, I promise that I didn’t do anything to Steven. L-look around if you like! I don’t even really know where I am enough to do something as terrible as tracking him down or…whatever else you’ve assumed of me.” She’s frowning deeply at Garnet specifically. “But I bet you won’t believe me until Steven walks through the door, huh?”

 

 

She’s playing with fire, she knows this. She knows that Garnet has a temper.

 

 

“Even if you _didn’t_ harm Steven, we did tell him not to leave the house while we were gone—he never goes against one of our rules.” Pearl huffs at Lapis, placing a dainty hand on Garnet’s arm to keep her in place.

 

 

“Yeah, and we weren’t even gone long this time.” Amethyst lowers her whip, starting to glance about the home—obviously checking the kitchen first. “That boy wouldn’t go against something Garnet said unless he really had ta.”

 

 

“Well I don’t know what to tell you.” Lapis frowns deeply, guarded and upset just being in the same room as the three Crystal Gems. “I can only tell you what’s been going on since I emerged, which hasn’t been anything.”

 

 

Garnet’s gauntlets disappear, making Pearl double-take at her leader. “G-Garnet! Are you sure it’s okay to just…let her go like that? What if she….” Her voice lowers but Lapis can obviously hear her, “what if she was corrupted when she was fused with Jasper? We don’t know if she’s being completely honest with us…”

 

 

“Alright, that’s it!” Lapis’s voice shakes but she points an accusatory finger at Pearl. “I’ve been completely honest with you since you warped here, pointing your weapons at me without giving me a chance to really talk. Y-you don’t know if I’m being honest with you because you haven’t _treated_ me like I’m anything but a criminal! Not like you would really care, r-right? All you care about is locking me away! If it’s not a mirror, it’s probably some kind of dungeon you’ve got inside of that temple!”

 

 

She’s panting, her anger fueling her words. She’s glad Steven isn’t here to witness her yelling…she wouldn’t want him witnessing even more discourse and chaos.

 

 

“Yo, we didn’t even _know_ you were in that mirror.”

 

 

“That’s a lie! You knew I was there! You knew that my gem was cracked and that I couldn’t do anything to get myself out of it. I was in your possession for thousands of years, you can’t tell me that you never knew I was stuck inside of it.”

 

 

“That’s enough.” Garnet’s voice is final, but Lapis isn’t going to allow herself to be pushed around anymore. Not from Peridot, not from Jasper. Definitely not from Garnet.

 

 

“No. I’m not going to stop talking about it until you give me the real reason why I was kept in that mirror for so long! Either that, or give me an apology!”

 

 

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous!” Pearl waves a dismissive hand at Lapis.

 

 

“I’m not being ridiculous! I’m d-definitely being reasonable!”

 

 

“Dude you’re out of the mirror, you’re not Malachite anymore, just chill so we can go find Steven.”

 

 

“So what? I don’t deserve an apology? The fact that I have my autonomy back is good enough?”

 

 

“I said that’s _enough_.”

 

 

“And I told you I wouldn’t be quiet until I had an apology!”

 

 

“Well get used to it, because until we know who’s side you’re on, you’re going to have to play by our rules.”

 

 

A door shuts soundly, creating an instant silence in the home. No one moves for a good long moment, but it’s Lapis that turns her body to face the screen door. Her eyes widen and she feels a guilty pinch in her chest at the little boy, so stricken with worry from all of the fighting. In his hands are bags of food no doubt—a little stuffed fish poking its head out from the one in his left hand.

 

 

“L….Lapis?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me feedback, or just cool comments in general! :) I'd really love any kind of thoughts on where the story might be going or where you'd like to see it taken~ Again, I'll try and get chapters out once a week!


	3. Trust Me

_“Lapis?...”_

 

Her heart stutters with guilt and she can feel the breath leave her lungs at that pitiful little murmur of her name.  She’s reaching for him with a dainty little hand, but it hesitates. She feels a lot of uncertainty in what she can and can’t do, especially with the Crystal Gems already defensive of her and her motives.

 

 

So instead, Lapis pulls back and holds her hand to her chest, watching as Amethyst hurdles herself to Steven, ruffling his hair and taking a bag from his grasp to inspect its ingredients—an obvious ploy to hide the worry and nervousness she felt before Steven had arrived. It aches Lapis’s heart at how she sees the four interact, how the three gems seem to ignore her in order to take care of the little human boy.

 

 

Almost as if she’d been forgotten.

 

 

Ah well…it’s not as if they were having a happy discussion anyways. Lapis honestly knows that she shouldn’t feel envious of the closeness they all felt towards each other…she had no right to. And, it wasn’t as if she wanted to be especially close with the likes of them anyway….well, anyone but Steven.

 

 

She’s standing off to the side, eyes downcast when she feels a little tug at the hem of her dress. Surprised, Lapis tilts her head and finds the little boy in question, smiling tentatively at her with large innocent brown eyes. Steven says her name softly and Lapis feels a prickling heat at her cheeks, little tears welling up in her eyes.

 

 

“I knew that you’d be awake when I got home.” He says it so matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand in his own for reassurance. Almost as if he knew how fragile she feels being in a place so foreign.

 

 

“Y…you did?” Her voice is completely different when speaking to Steven. It’s soft and unguarded, though still uncertain. “How in the world could you have known…?”

 

 

He shrugs, smile only growing. “I just did! Your gem felt so much warmer this morning than it has for weeks, and I just knew that it meant you’d be coming out all pretty and healed!”

 

 

At the mentioning of weeks, Lapis’s eyes widen. So she’d been separated from Jasper for quite awhile…and recuperating in her gem for so long really proved how much keeping Malachite under wraps really took a toll on her body and mind.

 

 

Steven notices the look on her face and adds, “we’ve all been waiting for you to wake up, Lapis, especially me. I’ve been so worried about you, but made sure to try and keep you all nice and comfy while you were away! I let you sleep on my fluffiest pillow and every night you got to sleep with Mr. Bear!”

 

 

Lapis starts to smile just a bit, but is distracted by Pearl’s soft grumble of paranoia.

 

 

“Steven I…I wouldn’t get too close to her…”

 

 

Not this again…at least Pearl wasn’t hollering like she was moments before. Lapis wasn’t sure if she could handle much more of that, even if she was yelling too.

 

 

Steven turns towards Pearl, arms outstretched in front of Lapis as if to protect her. There’s a pleading look directed towards all three Crystal Gems. “Guys please! I know Lapis isn’t mean. I know she wouldn’t hurt any of us! She’s just been through a lot!”

 

 

“You are right, Steven, but being fused with Malachite for so long—“

 

 

“She looks completely normal to me!” Steven glances back at Lapis, giving her a quick smile, “and looks even prettier than before with her new blue dress! Would you want to be judged so quickly after having a really hard time like her?”

 

 

There’s silence, Amethyst and Pearl giving each other a look while Garnet just crosses her arms over her chest. Lapis can tell that while it wasn’t Steven’s plan, he was definitely making them feel guilty.

 

 

“Well I suppose…” begins Pearl, hand to her mouth, drifting off soon after with a nibble to her lip.

 

 

Not knowing exactly what to say, Lapis just watches as Steven scurries off to the bags of goodies he’d dropped when initially coming into the house, pulling out a few things and setting them on the coffee table for the group to inspect.

 

 

“See? I wanted to make Lapis feel more at home when she woke up, so I left early to go get some snacks I thought she’d like! There’s…” he picks up a couple cans of what looked like noodles in some sort of sauce—they were shaped like fish. “Ringo’s—the fish shaped kind! And then there’s…” this time he picks up a thin shaped box with a cover of a whale, “Free Willy! What’s a better way spending your first day out of your gem than watching a whale be set free?? Nothing!!”

 

 

Lapis feels so honored by all of the thought that Steven put into making her feel comfortable in his home, and graciously takes the small fish plushie into her arms when he gives it to her.

 

 

“So, see guys? I wasn’t in trouble and Lapis didn’t do anything to hurt me. I was just out trying to get her things to make her feel less scared.” Steven’s turned towards the Crystal Gems again, hoping to convey to them that yes, their worry was sweet and held honest intent….but their judgment in Lapis was a bit uncalled for.

 

 

It’s Garnet that speaks up first, mumbling a begrudging apology to Lapis. This is followed by Pearl and then finally a “yeah, I guess me too” from Amethyst.

 

 

Whereas Lapis didn’t feel it was very genuine, she knows that they’re doing it for Steven and wouldn’t go against his back—or…at least she hopes not—to hurt her.

 

 

“It’s….it’s alright…” The words come out awkwardly and chipped, but Steven ultimately looks hopeful by their reconciling. “See?” He says with a timid little lilt in his voice, “that wasn’t so bad, right?”

 

 

Lapis is quiet for a moment, her thumb rubbing up and down the soft fabric of the fish plushie that Steven had given her. “And thank you, Steven…for believing in me.”

 

 

“Of course! I knew that you couldn’t be corrupted. I knew that you’d be the same Lapis as before.”

 

 

This creates a warm feeling in her chest. “Oh?....how did you know?”

 

 

“Because I could see you in my dreams.” The words are said plain and simple, making the hairs on Lapis’s neck stand on end. She remembers that one instance when Steven had visited her in the inner mind of Malachite, how he was endangering himself by just being near her. The memory feels so real and vivid, as if it could still happen at any moment. Just the mere thought that he might have been there again and again but without her noticing…that terrified her.

 

 

Obviously seeing her discomfort, Steven quickly adds, “It was totally safe! I could only see little glimpses here and there. I saw you in a lot of pain, Lapis. And…and it was so dark. Sometimes I could see Jasper too, and I could feel her anger…I knew that Garnet had to save you.”

 

 

Lapis glances to Garnet who is standing with her arms crossed over her chest. Her head is averted from Lapis but it’s obvious that she’s listening intently. Having her eyes shielded by that visor didn’t help with Lapis’s unease…

 

 

“I see…”

 

 

Honestly it was a lot to take in…but, how ironic was it? That while Lapis was trying so hard to protect Steven from Jasper and Malachite, here he was searching for her in order to protect _her_.

 

 

Oh, Steven…

 

 

“So then, how did you end up finding me?” Lapis carefully sits down at the couch where Steven comes and plops down next to her, perhaps to comfort her. The other three gems  are significantly more at ease as well. Amethyst even goes and sits at the kitchen counter with her short legs dangling at the edge.

 

 

“Oh well that—“ Steven begins but is instantly given a cutting motion by Pearl. Lapis squints her eyes at the pale gem, feeling her defenses already starting to rise again. Why wouldn’t they want her to know? What was so wrong with asking a question like that?

 

 

“I found you.” Garnet turns her head slowly to Lapis, speaking for Steven. “I have been searching for Malachite for months and ended up finding where you were hiding.”

 

 

Lapis is almost certain that Garnet and Pearl are withholding information from her, but she supposes that’s something that’s going to be happening quite a bit while being in their company. There’s no way they would just unveil everything about themselves in front of a gem that’s more or less just caused incredible problems for them in the past…

 

 

Even she can admit that…

 

 

“You’ve really been searching for months?” Lapis can’t help but be inquisitive about that. The ocean is so vast and deep. “You can handle the water pressure?”

 

 

Garnet gives a little noise in her throat—a chuckle?

 

 

“I can handle many things.”

 

 

Okay…

 

 

Lapis thinks about Garnet and her finding Malachite. She wracks her brain for the moments before her blacking out , but the first thought that comes to mind is Jasper’s large claws wrapping around her neck and squeezing, squeezing, squeezing. Goosebumps have formed on her light blue skin, making Lapis rub at them in hopes of sending them away.

 

 

“So when you found me?....us?”

 

 

Garnet is silent and each gem gives a glance to Steven with uncertainty, as if not knowing if he was old enough to hear what was about to come out of Garnet’s mouth. But to Lapis’s surprise, Steven is waiting patiently, his usually goofy smile set aside for a determined look on his face.

 

 

How had he grown so much?...Lapis truly didn’t know Steven that well, but he seemed so much more mature since the last time she had seen him.

 

 

And to Lapis’s surprise, none of the Crystal gems, despite their initial insecurity, don’t ask Steven to leave the room or to cover his ears. Instead, Garnet begins speaking, her voice calm and cool.

 

 

“Initially, when Malachite formed and was dragged into the ocean we were expecting a sort of attack on Beach City due to the assumed corruption between you and Jasper. Nearly every evening I was out searching for you, but as I am sure you know, it is very hard to search for anything in such a large place—even something as humongous as Malachite.”

 

 

“Right!” Chirps in Pearl, finger up in the air to bring in her own point, “and after Steven’s first dream proving that you weren’t corrupted, it only made our search more urgent! Now that we knew we still had a chance to separate you two before you destroyed Beach City or something of that equivalent, we just needed to figure out where you were!”

 

 

“And perhaps you didn’t realize it due to your exhaustion, but it seems as though you were sending off signals to Steven in his dreams. My hypothesis is that because of your initial connection from the first dream, you were able to send little visions here and there of your status and location to him. After a bit more of trial and error, we finally found you…” Pearl nibbles at her lip.

 

 

“And it was probably at the most direly important time…”

 

 

Lapis takes in a deep breath to keep herself calm. There’s a slow realization hitting her, but she wants to hear what is about to be said.

 

 

“Since my body can withstand extreme pressures, I was by myself when I found you,” Garnet is speaking again. “The disconnect between you and Jasper was finally breaking Malachite apart and you were in the processes of fusing your gems into a malignant life form. If I had been any later, you would have no doubt been too corrupted for me to save whatever essence was left behind.”

 

 

Lapis remembers now. She remembers being furiously torn from Jasper, as if a strong torrent had picked her up and sucked her away. Things had been going way too fast for her to recognize what was going on, but thinking on it now, it must have been Garnet.

 

 

“So you forced Jasper and I apart?” She can’t help the little waver in her voice.

 

 

Garnet nods once. “Yes. I was able to force your merging gems apart long enough to bubble you each individually to keep you from gravitating towards each other. At that point in time if I had just pulled you away from each other without actually keeping you locked away, you would have just merged back in a matter of minutes.”

 

 

Lapis didn’t know the inner workings of fusion, having never done it before Jasper…she knew that it was from a connection of some sort, though depending on the gem speaking about it, fusion could either be a horrid and uncouth thing to speak of, or something to be held in high regard.

 

 

“I see…so then you saw Jasper…?” She drifts off, her fingers twitching to touch at her neck. There were no marks but she could still feel those thick fingers there.

 

 

“All I saw was the light and basic shapes of two fusing gems, nothing else.”

 

 

Interesting…

 

 

“After that, I brought you back to the temple, bubbled away in your gems.”

 

 

“Garnet wanted to keep you inside the temple,” Steven puts a sweet hand on hers, full of reassurance and sincere care for Lapis. “but I knew that you would be scared andconfused being locked up like that, so I asked if I could take care of you, and now here we are!”

 

 

Lapis smiles at him tentatively, squeezing his hand to show a silent “thank you”.

 

 

Of course Garnet and the other Crystal Gems wanted to lock her away…what typical behavior. And she still wasn’t over the discussion with the mirror…not in the slightest. But she could wait on that for a different time.

 

 

“So then, Jasper’s in the temple?” She glances from one gem to the next. “She’s securely locked away?”

 

 

“Oh yes.” Pearl gives a fleeting laugh, very confident in their handiwork it seemed. “She’s in the deepest parts of the temple where Garnet can keep a firm eye on her. She won’t be leaving her gem until we say so…which won’t be for quite a long while if we can help it.”

 

 

For some reason, despite how cocky Pearl’s words come off, Lapis feels rather safe by them. She’s a bit reluctant to say it, but she knows how strong the Crystal Gems are, especially Garnet. If anyone could keep Jasper under lock and key, it would be them.

 

 

“I….I trust you.” She doesn’t like saying it, her pride and bitterness wanting her to keep the words to herself, “in keeping her away. I trust you.”

 

 

“That, we can agree on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shh we can still say I updated this week....anyway! A little insight as to what's up with Jasper :)
> 
> School's getting pretty tough these next couple of weeks so there might not be updates for a bit! But rest assured, I've already outlined the next few chapters ;)


	4. Dilly-Dally

Lapis’s first full night awake on Earth was long and quiet and most of all…lonely. Apparently it was a “week night” which meant that Steven had to go to bed by a certain time, and once he was curled beneath the covers of his blankets the gems dispersed as well and left her on her own. Lapis was surprised about that, that they would allow her to be by herself without worry that she might run away.

 

 

Then again, maybe they knew that she was a complete coward and she was much too scared to venture out of the house…

 

 

Her night was spent in the dark of the house, up in the loft next to Steven’s bed, shoulder pressed against one of the many windows overlooking the ocean. Her knees curled up to her chest, thin arms wrapped around them, Lapis had watched those gentle curling waves move back and forth, back and forth. Every now and then she would hear a little sigh or a snore from Steven, which helped with the anxiety billowing in her chest and belly.

 

 

Lapis hated being alone…and at times during the night the silence of the house almost tricked her brain into thinking that she was. She knew deep down that she wasn’t, but it felt so similar to when she was stuck in that mirror…when she was locked away in Peridot’s jail cell.

 

 

It seemed that Lapis was just the type to be locked away, hidden from others. Her night was spent over thinking and analyzing, being very bitter towards the thousands of years wasted away in solitary confinement. It was also obvious that though her physical form was healed to perfection, her mental health still greatly suffered. The anxiety and the fears and the over thinking…she’d hoped that maybe that would go away after becoming more comfortable with Steven and his company of the Crystal Gems…but that was obviously not the case.

 

 

If anything, being under the roof of the Crystal Gems made her anxieties worsen. They couldn’t be trusted—no one could, and she had to be careful. This wasn’t her home, they were just allowing her to stay there for the time being, and Lapis didn’t know for how long. There was even a tiny little voice nagging, biting at her, tearing at her already wavering confidence that they were only keeping her for a specific reason, because honestly why else would they allow her to stay here? After all of the wreckage that she’d caused?

 

 

The ocean did help calm her though, even if the gentle coolness of the water now held a bitterness to her senses after her dealing with Malachite. With the moon’s creamy colored light glittering above the dark waves, it was honestly quite beautiful, but it would never be the same to her. Jasper had ruined it.

 

 

Jasper…

 

 

The name had sent a shiver up her spine, and Lapis had to rub up and down her arms in order to rid herself of her goosebumps. She knew that the Crystal Gems were strong and could protect themselves easily—had proven that they could hold themselves against a strong General like Jasper—but it didn’t ease the anxiety knowing that perhaps only a few kilometers into the ground, the very same gem that abused and tormented her rested, waiting to be released.

 

 

Her anger had taken over for a few minutes then; her nails digging deep crescents into her blue skin, illuminated by the moon’s light. Lapis had been shaking, thinking of the wonderfully terrible things she could do to Jasper’s gem if she had the chance….

 

 

But, of course that deflated and flew away just as fast as it had entered her mind. Lapis, for all it was worth, wouldn’t mindlessly crush a gem…even if the gem in question definitely deserved it. She could still see Jasper’s exhausted form from behind her closed eyelids, how disheveled and wild she looked. Those eyes had been haunting—her broad muscles quivering with strain. Jasper had been a strong opponent, but she could be proud of herself to understand that she had caused the gem to be so worn down…that was _her_ doing.

 

 

Lapis wasn’t good for much…but she at least proved that she could keep a mighty general in shackles for months just by sheer willpower.

 

 

She had been worried—scared even, at the thought of Jasper ever escaping from her imprisonment, stars forbid. The havoc she could cause out of revenge would be catastrophic…

 

 

Lapis had been envious; looking to Steven’s sleeping form so comfy and relaxed in his bed. How she wondered what it was like, to escape one’s dilemmas for nth amount of time into a dream like stasis. Lapis wanted to escape the hell that was her over processing mind but she was still awake when Steven rose from the heap of blankets tangled around him. There wasn’t much difference in how she looked from when he went to sleep, but there were some significant bags under her eyes.

 

 

He’d asked if she was okay, and she’d tried to lie….to tell him ‘yes’….

 

 

That was the great thing about Steven, though. Lapis didn’t have to say anything for him to realize the troubles ailing her. He had sleepily rubbed at his eyes, pulled the covers from his bed and patted at the mattress for her. Within moments she had gotten in bed and curled up into a little ball, feeling so tiny and childish next to him despite the fact that _he_ was the child.

 

 

She’d rested there, not sleeping but much more content than she had been sitting on the floor against the window. Steven rambled on quietly to Lapis until the sun rose high enough to make it a bit too hot under his thick comforter, but his kindness and compassion for her had really helped with her anxieties.

 

 

Here, he gets out of the bed completely in his striped pajamas and grabs at Lapis’s hand to tug her with him. She’s wobbly on her feet at first but follows him down the stairs and across the cool wooden floors to the kitchen. He’s talking animatedly at her, already big grins and wide eyes and Lapis can’t help but smile a bit at him. He pulls out some things from a cupboard and the cold box—Steven lets her know that it’s called a “refrigerator”—and tells her to give him a moment so that he can get ready for the day.

 

 

He escapes off to that odd water based room beneath the loft, leaving Lapis to her own devices while she waits. She touches over the things laid out before her, picks up a heavy metal dish of some sort. Humans had to eat, so maybe he was going to make what humans called “breakfast”?

 

 

It doesn’t take him long to come out, though, clad in his usual red shirt with its yellow star. She watches him come back and get to work on preparing his meal, declining quietly when he asks if she would like something. Her rejection of the food sends him off on a little informational rant of sorts, letting her know how much Amethyst loves to eat—probably more than he did!—but Pearl hated eating, and Garnet was indifferent. She didn’t exactly care, but she paid attention because it was Steven and she did care about him.

 

 

It was amazing, watching him cook. She didn’t know exactly how quickly human’s aged or for how long they lived, but just from what she saw of Steven she had to guess that he wasn’t very old. Yet, as she stands here with him, replying here and there to things he asks of her, she doesn’t know if it’s a typical thing for a human child to cook their own food for themselves so young. Lapis honestly didn’t have any right to make assumptions, especially on human culture which she knows little to nothing about…but wasn’t it common knowledge that humans were a group species with a hierarchal system within their families? Lapis would have assumed that Steven would have help or have others with him…maybe even the Crystal Gems in this respect. But, as she’s seen so far, to her eyes it seemed as though Steven took care of himself the majority of the time.

 

 

The word ‘lonely’ pops into her mind and Lapis’s eyes soften as she watches him flip a dough like cake on his “frying pan”.

 

 

Lonely...could Steven be lonely?

 

 

He was half gem, and he was in constant surrounding of those, but he was also half human. Lapis remembers spending the day with him while she was in her mirror, how excited, hopeful, pleading she was to be heard after so long of communicating with no one. She vaguely remembers him going about his day meeting others—but there seemed to be a certain detachment; all of his attention had been on her, as if he was just as desperate to make a friend.

 

 

“Hey…Steven?” she begins tentatively at him, leaning against the countertop. He hums at her, smiling up at Lapis briefly to show that he’s listening but places most of his attention back at the stove. “I was wonde—“

 

 

“Yoooo Steven! Smells good, watcha cookin’~?”

 

 

Grumbling and glaring off to the side, of course it would be Amethyst to interrupt the calm serenity that she’d been having. She quiets down but Lapis doesn’t feel as intimidated by the tiny purple gem as she had previously been. Amethyst, after the initial judgment of Lapis harming Steven, had become pretty detached towards her and honestly pretty indifferent.

 

 

“Oh, I’m cooking pancakes! Would you like some?” Steven is instantly excited to have her joining their little group, already handing over the previously cooked “pancakes” to Amethyst who of course gobbles them down in a matter of seconds. That was rather intense, to say the least…

 

 

Lapis keeps to herself the majority of the morning but does find that she likes to be in the company of Steven and to an extent, Amethyst. She doesn’t say much, but she feels included enough to not feel lonely. She finds it really interesting to watch the two interact with each other, and thinks that they get along so well because Amethyst acts a lot like a human child in her own way.

 

 

A little into Amethyst’s third helping of fluffy, fully cooked stack of pancakes, the warp pad brightens and shimmers its brilliant blue light into the house. Lapis expects it to be Pearl or Garnet, but when her eyes fall onto a tiny, tiny little green blob of a gem, they widen.

 

 

She finds her mouth hissing out the word before she can fully comprehend what’s going on.

 

 

“Peridot…”

 

 

Instantly, there’s an incredible intensity surrounding them and the indifferent behavior Amethyst had just been giving her switches, once again on the lookout for possible trouble. Just seeing this sends Lapis’s mind reeling, and she’s once again over thinking, mind going a hundred miles a minute.

 

 

“What is she doing here?” Lapis and Peridot say it at the same time, though one is said in absolute loathing while the other could be borderline fear.

 

 

She watches as Peridot scurries off of the warp pad, her body language telling Lapis that she was on the defensive, not the offensive…why? Could she be scared of her? And why in the world was she so tiny?

 

 

A cold scoff escapes her and Lapis finds herself moving away from the kitchen and towards the tiny green gem. She can’t believe it, how she’d been tricked into thinking that Peridot was anything to be scared of. How in the universe could something so small and petulant give Lapis so much angst and panic?

 

 

Perhaps Peridot was thinking the same things, for she was shaking up against the wall of the temple, the part that was the dividing between stone and the wall of a house.

 

 

“How do you know the Crystal Gems?” Lapis is so close to her, looming her body—which honestly wasn’t that big, only emphasizing more just how tiny Peridot really was—over hers. The fists at her sides are so tightly clenched that they’re shaking.

 

 

Peridot was weaponless, and what Lapis had assumed to be a more evolved version of gems was really just armor created to make Peridot look more scary and powerful.

 

 

How pathetic.

 

 

“I…I…” Peridot begins, voice cracking as she shifts her gaze between Lapis and the two individuals behind her. “I was caught!”

 

 

There wasn’t anything said to disprove her words, which did make Lapis feel a little bit better. She still stays where she’s at though, glaring down at her with such great intensity that Peridot probably wouldn’t move anyway.

 

 

“But you’re using their warp pad, so that means that you aren’t some kind of prisoner…” she drifts off because Lapis almost wants to say bitterly ‘like her’, even if no one had outwardly stated that she was.

 

 

“W-well I’m…I’m helping them!”

 

 

Oh really? Ha, the irony of it all.

 

 

“You’re helping the Crystal Gems? The same Crystal Gems you kidnapped me for so that you could come and destroy them?”

 

 

Peridot’s shaky nod makes Lapis’s anger boil, and there’s a small tremoring under her feet, just a slight rhythmic vibration that makes Steven glance at Amethyst in worried confusion.

 

 

Lapis moves closer still, voice low and shaky. “You’re helping them, after all of the mistreatment and troubles you put me through? You imprisoned me! Just like them! You used me!”

 

 

Peridot flinches at that last part, trying her best to slide away alongside the wall, but Lapis won’t have any of it. She follows after Peridot, the tremors only growing worse and now being heard more clearly at the kitchen. Steven’s worried voice does make it to her ears, but Lapis is seeing red.

 

 

How dare she use her to get her and Jasper to Earth, keeping her locked away without any amenities and treating her like…well, _shit._  How dare her rub it in her face that she allied up with the Crystal Gems—Peridot’s number one priority while traveling to Earth—and how dare her cower beneath her like Lapis was some kind of assaulter!

 

 

“You’re worthless.” Lapis hisses at her, and the sound of pipes in the kitchen rattling grows to full intensity, almost like they’re about to burst. She doesn’t realize it, but her breathing is labored, and when Peridot tries to make a run for it, hoping to get away from Lapis, she juts her hand out and grabs her by the back of her uniform.

 

 

And almost instantly there’s a painful tightening to her wrists—so rough as it jerks her entire arm back that she lets the small gem go. “Wha?...” she winces with pain and goes to grab at what it is—Amethyst’s whip.

 

 

Their eyes meet, and the just as tiny gem is quietly glaring at Lapis. Never once did she expect to see her not running her mouth…it’s startling.

 

 

“Let me go.” It isn’t a request.

 

 

“If you’re gonna stay here, you won’t be hurting _anyone_. Got it?” there’s a tenseness to Amethyst’s voice. It makes Lapis’s eyes squint at her, suspicious.

 

 

“I wasn’t going to hurt her.”

 

 

“Guys….guys, please…” Steven sounds so disheartened, grabbing Lapis’s attention instantly. The whip keeps itself around her wrist, but at least the rumbling in the pipes had stopped and Lapis’s breathing was less crazy. Steven stands just like he had done with her the day before—arms out while keeping himself in front of Peridot, obviously in means of protecting her. A pang hits Lapis’s chest for many reasons…she feels bitterness that Steven openly supports Peridot, but also…well, because Lapis had obviously caused trouble…again.

 

 

She feels betrayed by him, even though a small, probably saner part of her tells her that she shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s how selfish she feels in wanting Steven’s undivided compassion and kindness…but maybe it’s also because she knows the things Peridot’s done and caused…what she stands for working under Yellow Diamond.

 

 

 Maybe it’s all of the above.

 

 

“Lapis, I know things are new for you and you’re really scared and…things have been really terrible for you.” Steven takes a few steps closer to her and takes her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “You have a right to feel the way that you do, a-and I’m not vouching completely for Peridot, but she actually isn’t a terrible person.”

 

 

Lapis scoffs, but there’s a warning tug at the whip that makes her stay quiet.

 

 

“She isn’t, I promise you! We did capture her and she was causing some problems for us and I was really nervous about her at first…but…” Steven turns back a bit towards Peridot, who’s now cowering on the couch with a pillow pressed up against her, “She’s actually really kind deep down, and she’s just misguided. She doesn’t know better….but she’s _getting_ better, every day even! She’s been staying with us for a really long time and I know that she feels bad for what she did to you…”

 

 

He then gives a gentle plea for Amethyst to let go of Lapis, and once she’s free he brings her close to Peridot. She’s quivering, making little whimpering sounds in the back of her throat, but Lapis has no desire to harm her. She’s subdued, for the most part. The anger and bitterness still resonates, but Lapis is just a bitter gem. Peridot would have to do quite a bit to show that Steven’s words were true.

 

 

“I…..’m sorry for…coming up on you like that.” She begins, rubbing at her sore wrist while looking away from the green gem. She can’t—doesn’t want to look at her honestly, and from the awkward air between them, figures that Peridot feels the same.

 

 

There was too much that happened that—Lapis isn’t expecting her to be suddenly caring towards her being.

 

 

“I…I am sorry as well.” Peridot clears her throat, glancing from Steven to Amethyst and then finally Lapis’s turned head. “For the…troubles that I have caused you. I understand the faults of my character during the time that we were together and have reevaluated my position many times…I…do not wish for us to be on bad terms but I do not expect forgiveness.”

 

 

Good, because there wouldn’t be any.

 

 

“Lapis?” Steven urges her on, giving her a sadly hopeful look that makes her chest ache. He had so much power over her…over everyone. How could she go against him for wanting to keep the peace?

 

 

“I don’t accept your apology, you’re right…but as long as you never treat me the way that you did again…I guess I can work on it…also…sorry for calling you worthless…”

 

 

There’s a relieved sigh from Steven, and he smiles a bit at both her and Peridot, feeling very pleased with the turn of events. Lapis takes a few steps back from everyone, but not too much for it to be dramatic or obvious. It was just that…Lapis felt guilty. Being angry and causing havoc…she feels bad, almost like she’s just being too much of a bother.

 

 

Should she feel guilty? She didn’t know but…it really did feel like she was making more issues than solving them. She didn’t know how to correctly handle things…how to interact with anyone anymore…it was embarrassing.

 

 

Amethyst looks everyone over, her whip degenerating and going back into the protection of her gem. She looks to still be on edge a bit, but leans nonchalantly against the counter top of the bar, arms crossed over her chest. She’s restraining herself a bit, sometimes moving her eyes back over to Peridot. Once again Lapis feels as if she’s extremely out of the loop, feels like there’s this secret that they’re keeping from her.

 

 

Peridot ends up excusing herself, scurrying past Lapis and back onto the warp pad—she mentions something about “important business” and flashes off, gone within seconds. Lapis stands there, off to the side, hands crossed over her chest. She wants to know what “business” she means, because it obviously has to be in some sort of connection with the Crystal Gems. She honestly wants to open her mouth and say something now, but there’s also that insecure hesitation that keeps her from doing so…

 

 

And, however long Peridot had been here, she obviously hadn’t been expecting to see Lapis fully formed in the kitchen, which both were a bit amusing but also equally irritating.

 

 

“So…” Amethyst begins, tearing her eyes away from the warp pad to Steven and Lapis. “Crap’s been crazy lately, wanna go to the arcade?”

 

 

By the starry eyed look Steven gave Amethyst, Lapis could guess it was something enjoyable, but she was still confused and a little reserved over the idea of leaving the house. Even before her imprisonment, Lapis wasn’t exactly “adventurous”. Then again, even if she had wanted to be it would have been against the rules due to Homeworld societal standards.

 

 

“What’s an arcade?” She finally ends up asking, and Amethyst gives her a small bark of laughter, hopping from her spot at the counter. “It’s wicked fun, you’ll like it.”

 

 

Lapis wasn’t so sure about that…

 

 

\---

 

 

The town—Lapis learned that its name was “Beach City” which was more than just a bit uncreative—was actually a nice bit of fresh air for Lapis. She didn’t expect to enjoy being outside of the house too much, but the sun was bright and the salty air from the ocean felt good against her skin. Steven of course said hello to everyone he passed by, but they all seemed to know each other to some extent, making Lapis wonder if it was actually a tiny place, this town.

 

 

The arcade was right off of the boardwalk overlooking the ocean, its waves even more beautiful with the sun’s rays glistening on its bright waters. They had to make a quick stop to a place called a “souvenir shop” to get Lapis some “sandals” because her bare feet on the concrete had been painfully hot to the point of being unbearable. Lapis wasn’t used to wearing shoes, so this was a very new to get used to—but Steven of course made sure to get her a pair of blue ones to match her dress.

 

 

The arcade itself was nice, and Lapis is actually mesmerized in a sense by the large amounts of technology in one place. She knows it’s archaic compared to gem standards, but she has to stop and watch someone every now and then play interactively with the large boxes and their screens. She finds human culture so odd, but Lapis supposes it’s a tad bit nice as well. It’s simplistic, she thinks, these people living on this beach. Especially those playing in this “arcade”; they willingly spent their time engrossing themselves in something fake just for fun.

 

 

“Steven!” A familiar voice grabs Lapis’s attention and she turns to face a young human girl running towards the small group of three. Lapis has troubles for only a moment—but then she remembers how she knows her. She had been with Steven oh so long ago when Lapis had first been freed from her mirror and trying to get back home.

 

 

She’d hurt her…

 

 

Way to go, Lapis…

 

 

The girl halts right in front of them, alert to Lapis’s figure standing a bit behind Steven. Her eyes widen and she tries not to seem obvious but she glances to Steven for affirmation that she’s really seeing what she’s seeing. Steven is a wonderful host of course, taking the girl by the arm gingerly and bringing her a bit closer to Lapis.

 

 

“Connie, Lapis! Wow yeah, this is the first time we’ve all been together without fighting, huh?”

 

 

Lapis stares at this girl, _Connie_ and watches the soft blush that tints her dark skin when Steven takes her arm. It’s gone as soon as it gets there, but Lapis notices. “Hello…” she begins awkwardly, and Connie greets her equally as awkward.

 

 

Lapis seems to be finding a pattern here. At least there isn’t yelling this time?...

 

 

Connie holds her hand out for Lapis, who is tilting her head curiously at it for a moment before Steven urges her to take it with her own. They shake in a firm grip, and when Lapis looks up at Connie next, she sees a confident, protective look in her eyes.

 

 

It was like staring in a mirror—a protectiveness for Steven.

 

 

Suddenly Lapis feels a bit small, retracting her hand and holding it behind her back. She keeps her eyes lowered, not in a submissive way but…well, yes. In a sense submissively. She just didn’t want to cause any more issues and this girl…this Connie no doubt knew Steven much better than she did.

 

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Connie.” She says it surprisingly empathetically because Connie had never done Lapis any wrong..not in the slightest. She had been at her tower of water for Steven, to help Steven…not to cage her. Plus…she was just a human child, the same age as Steven she assumed…how could she harm something so young without having any remorse?

 

 

She nibbles at her lip, making Connie glance to Steven questioningly. Connie didn’t feel so comfortable around Lapis, especially since, well…Lapis had tried to suffocate her.

 

 

“I’m…sorry. For the troubles I caused you.”

 

 

Connie and Amethyst are surprised, Connie pleasantly so. She looks flattered by the apology, even if she does still seem a bit uncomfortable by her body language. Lapis glances at her and then back down to her feet, fingers twisting this way and that way behind her back.

 

 

“I…shouldn’t have harmed you the way that I did, and I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to finally apologize.”

 

 

Amethyst, having grabbed some fry bits from a local shop, makes a little noise in her throat that doesn’t go unheard by Lapis, but she ignores it, puts it aside.

 

 

“Oh..oh goodness,” Connie responds, blinking and then taking a step towards Lapis. She gently touches at her arm, almost as if going any faster would make Lapis flee—which could be a possibility honestly. “Lapis Lazuli, that…that’s very kind of you. To be honest I was…I never thought that we would meet again for this kind of conversation to happen! So really, thank you, it means a lot.”

 

 

Lapis nods her head, comforted by the careful hand at her arm, and after a deep breath looks up to see a smiling Steven and Connie. They each come forward and grab her by her hands, tugging her along inside the arcade to their favorite “games”, as they called them.

 

 

Lapis’s chest swells with this feeling of…relief. That’s what it had to be. Relief that someone forgave her for her terrible deeds, if just a little bit. They might be children, but Lapis knew that there was so much more to them than that. She could see it in the way that Connie and Steven interacted as they played games—how they spoke to each other. They fit so well, a good duo of friends that made Lapis…happy.

 

 

Happy…yes. Happy for Steven.

 

 

She feels included when Connie teaches her how to play a fighting styled game, where she had to hold onto a joystick with one hand and push buttons with the other in rapid motion in order to defeat her opponent. She felt cared for when Steven went off and shared his popcorn with her—she didn’t exactly like human food, but she wouldn’t say no to him. Lapis found herself even enjoying Amethyst’s loudness as she played a game based on strength, a slot near the bottom corner spitting out long streams of tickets.

 

 

It was enjoyable, because during this time she could forget the bitterness and anger that she had felt just that morning, surrounding the Crystal Gems and Peridot. Here, even she and Amethyst could go against each other, playing a dancing game where one had to match the steps correctly—of course Amethyst won. Maybe Lapis was even able to break a few smiles and…maybe even a couple of soft laughs.

 

 

Not that she or Amethyst would tell anyone of course.

 

 

Bonding with the three in such a setting—despite her hesitancy of coming out beforehand—was really therapeutic for Lapis, and she ends up enjoying it so very much. She ends up enjoying herself so much that she doesn’t even realize when the sun is setting itself over the horizon, painting the sky in oranges, pinks and reds.

 

 

Connie and Steven finish up their game and find Lapis who had been done for a while. She’d tuckered herself out and resorted to standing off near the entrance to wait.

 

 

Steven asks if she had a fun time and it isn’t hard for lapis to actually admit “yes”.

 

 

“Would you like to get ice cream with us, Lapis Lazuli?” Connie asks, pointing off towards the direction of a stand of some sort on the boardwalk. Amethyst unsurprisingly bounds off the moment Connie mentions it, probably famished after hitting so many keys and buttons for so long.

 

 

“Ice cream?” She says the word questioningly, tilting her head. Connie giggles at her, bringing Lapis across the boardwalk to the stand with a small woman behind what seems to be a cooler of some kind…kind of like a refrigerator! “Yes, ice cream, haha. It’s…well it’s like a frozen treat! You might like it.”

 

 

Amethyst, with a mouthful of the stuff tells her that it’s great and that she should get the blue raspberry kind—whatever that meant. So Lapis says that that sounds lovely, and with a small exchange from the woman behind the cooler, effectively gets her ice cream. It, like many other human things, baffles her, and she actually wonders if she can truly eat it. It was so fluffy, so prettily shaped…humans actually ate this?

 

 

It’s Steven’s turn to laugh and he hands her a spoon to go with her ice cream, showing her how to go about eating it. He tells her to start off with small bites because it’s so very chilly and Lapis might get brain freeze, which terrifies Lapis for a moment until she’s reassured by Connie that it wasn’t anything dire.

 

 

They join Amethyst at the very end of the boardwalk at the pier, their legs dangling off the edge and close to the water. Lapis only thinks on it for a second before she joins them, feeling oddly comforted and safe in their tiny little group. She didn’t fully trust Amethyst, but the two had had a good time together after the morning’s issue and Lapis feels more or less okay sitting next to her.

 

 

She stares off at the setting sun while bringing the first bit of this ice cream to her mouth. She expects to not like it like she’d found with the popcorn, but Lapis’s eyes light up almost immediately. Connie and Steven had been watching, waiting for her reaction and grin brightly, asking if she would like to try some of their ice creams too, to which she politely declines.

 

 

They all go into their own little worlds after that, enjoying the sunset and the sound of the waves meeting the wood of the pier beneath. Her short blue hair caresses at her cheeks, and Lapis closes her eyes slowly to embrace it all. The cool ocean air places her into a state of calm, and when she bites into her ice cream again, all she can think of is the word “bliss”.

 

 

How oddly pleasant, how the day turned out. Lapis, feeling so wonderful, does have a little itching worry at the back of her throat. It’d been so long since she felt so included, so respected and cared for…she worries that it won’t last. That there might not be more days like this where they can sit and eat their ice cream and watch the sunset.

 

 

Feel the ocean air caressing at her cheeks.

 

 

How many times today had the word “enjoy” pass through her mind? So many Lapis can’t even count. She felt so much more at ease today than she had in a thousand years…maybe even more than that. Even before being stuck in the mirror, life had been very miniscule and not worth living at Homeworld. This experimenting of different human foods and getting to know Connie and even Amethyst…this was the most “normal” thing she had done for herself ever.

 

 

Enjoyment.

  

 

These were all things that Lapis felt, sitting with her feet dangling back and forth near the water’s edge.

 

 

Perhaps Lapis was even borderline happy at this moment?

 

 

Lapis, reveling in the taste of that blue raspberry, knows that “good” things don’t last long with her...she knows even more than anything that Lapis needs to commit this to memory—Amethyst actually speaking with her on a borderline friendly level, Connie asking Lapis about herself and her abilities in the water—because nothing…nothing nice ever lasts.

 

 

Not even this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! As always pleaase leave me comments down below :)
> 
> Edit: sorry for the lack of updates, you guys! My computer bit the dust and now I'm getting ready for finals so I won't be updating at least until after December 13th


	5. Bang Bang

Time passes for Lapis, though she isn’t sure exactly for how long. Things are ultimately rocky for a good many weeks in the home of Steven Universe, with her pent up bitterness making it hard for her to open up to the Crystal Gems at all. Of course, even they are hesitant at first, equally closed off with their emotions and not truly certain about where she stood in regards to loyalty. Despite the little trip to the arcade near the beginning of her stay, Lapis and Amethyst held the most amounts of begrudging neutrality towards each other and it takes Lapis little to no time to realize that Peridot was the reason why.

 

 

She wasn’t stupid. Lapis could easily see the fleeting looks the two shared when in a group conversation—how Peridot seemed to flit over to Amethyst for protection whenever an argument broke out. Peridot and Lapis still had their issues and because of that it brought Amethyst clashing with Lapis more often than not in order to protect the small green gem. That ultimately infuriated her among other things about life with the Crystal Gems.

 

 

But…Lapis also has to admit that living with them was also the most comfortable that she’s ever lived in her entire life. True, she wasn’t allowed to leave the beach home unchaperoned, wasn’t allowed to enter the temple at all, and she constantly felt uncomfortable being around gems she was still certain locked her away on purpose…but she had a roof under her head, a place to sleep—the couch was actually quite comfortable with some pillows and a blanket!—and the pleasant company of Steven to keep her sanity safe.

 

 

And it isn’t as though the Crystal Gems ultimately treated her terribly either. Not after spending the first few weeks in the same home together and basically having her under constant surveillance. Garnet changed the least of the three, though that isn’t exactly saying much. Pearl still acted as if Lapis was less intelligent than her, sometimes even treating her like a child. Amethyst kept out of her way most of the time and in group situations stayed off to the side or completely ignored her. But none of them were ultimately vicious or harmed her. Stars, it had been Pearl to offer the couch to her, to Lapis’s surprise. It seemed as though for the longest time that they were in the middle of an awkward dance, the three of them and Lapis. Not knowing where to step, not knowing how to speak.

 

 

Steven made it so much better, _makes_ it so much better. Lapis is a very observant gem, noticing how Steven went out of his way to make her stay a bit happier and less stressful. He knew of the awkwardness between the Crystal Gems and Lapis, and she could also tell how that bothered him. Steven took her out to Beach City many times, sometimes with Connie or Amethyst—sometimes even Peridot. She didn’t ever mind the nonsensical things that they ended up doing; going to read comics, meeting and spending time with a short human girl named “Sadie”, or even just sitting on a blanket up by the lighthouse to relax. Being out of the temple helped with her anxieties quite a bit, even on the rare days when she had to be near Amethyst or Peridot.

 

 

If anything, staying here has only intensified the protectiveness that Lapis has for Steven. She doesn’t like the idea of Peridot living in such close proximity to him, doesn’t like that Steven is blind to the apathetic cruelty that she held back on Homeworld, where everything was an experiment and held no value to her except for scientific gain. She does have to admit that Peridot hasn’t exactly done anything to Steven to warrant such hostility from Lapis, but…she can’t be blind to the possibility that Peridot will turn on Steven the moment a better opportunity awaits her.

 

 

“Lapis? A-are you okay?”

 

 

Snapping back into reality, the blue gem glances to the small human boy in front of her from his spot across the coffee table. The cards he’d been holding in his hands have been lowered to reveal the contents within—which Lapis was told is bad but she won’t peek—but his eyes are worriedly staring at her.

 

 

“O-oh,” She begins, clearing her throat and glancing down at her own cards in order for something to do—being stared at always made her feel awkward. “Yeah! I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

 

 

The pouty lip Steven gives her shows that he doesn’t believe her words, making Lapis sigh and set her own cards down on the table. They’d been playing the game for a good hour anyways and she’d won every round despite never playing before—ironically it was a game titled “Go Fish”—so a bit of a break was really needed.

 

 

“I’m…” Lapis begins again but then drifts off, her eyes darting behind Steven to the temple door. That same thrumming sends shivers down her spine, beginning at her head and working down to her toes. It’s been there from the very beginning, never seeming to fail in creating uneasiness in her stomach, a paranoia at the back of her mind. She’d hoped that it would disappear after a certain point of living around it, but if anything…the thrumming seems to get stronger as time passes.

 

 

Toying with a card in her hands, Lapis tentatively approaches the subject with Steven. “I just...have you ever felt something from the temple?”

 

 

The curious look he gives her is answer enough, but Steven still goes further by asking, “What do you mean?”

 

 

Blushing with a bit of embarrassment on her cheeks, Lapis gives a limp little shrug. “I just…ever since I’ve been here there’s been this feeling from the temple, kind of like the beat of a drum or something…it hasn’t gone away and I was just wondering if you’ve ever felt something like that?”

 

 

Talking about this makes her feel horribly awkward, and Lapis keeps her eyes averted from Steven because of it. She doesn’t want him to think that she’s weird, even though a larger and saner part of her brain is telling her that he would never think such a thing.

 

 

Insecurities suck…

 

 

“No, I’ve never felt something like that.” He turns towards the temple for a long moment, searching it for any obvious signs of something out of place, but Steven can’t find anything out of the ordinary. “Is it a bad feeling?”

 

 

Lapis nods at first, but then pauses and admits that she isn’t sure. “It’s just…it’s like the temple’s trying to pull me towards it or something…which doesn’t make sense, right? There’s no reason for me to have anything to do with it. But it grows more intense when I get closer to it.”

 

 

Another pause and then Lapis tries to play it off as, “I don’t know, it’s just weird.”

 

 

“Are you scared, Lapis?” Steven’s voice is soft and caring, making her chest ache. She glances up to him and sees the look on his face.

 

 

Blinking with surprise, she quickly tells him, “no, no, nothing like that!” Even though she wants to tell him that it does scare her and she doesn’t know why she’s the only one that seems to feel it.

 

 

Her words must have been somewhat convincing because Steven’s face softens and he gives her a little smile. “Okay, well if something else happens, let me know. Or let Garnet know! I know you guys don’t really get along but she can be really helpful and she might have an answer.”

 

 

Lapis wants to cringe at the thought of talking to _Garnet_ about her problems, but she nods her head and tells him that she’ll do that. It makes him happy even if Lapis probably won’t be doing such a thing.

 

 

She goes to pick up her cards again when the small electronic device on the table to Steven’s right begins making a loud tune that makes her jump. Humans called them “cell phones” and they were like an archaic version of the tech used on Homeworld to communicate with those far away. Steven answers it almost immediately with a big grin on his face, exclaiming an excited, “Connie!” in greeting.

 

 

There’s a pang in her chest at the name, for Lapis knows that Steven is probably going to leave her in order to meet with the human girl. She knows that she shouldn’t feel envious—she was able to spend an hour playing cards with Steven after all. Lapis hates feeling such things…she hates feeling like she means absolutely nothing the moment someone leaves her or she’s alone.

 

 

It isn’t long before Steven’s off the phone and is cleaning up the cards to put them in a closet with the other games that he owns. He’s humming with excitement and has an even bigger jump to his step than usual, making Lapis’s guilt for her envy only grow.

 

 

“That was Connie?” She ends up asking tentatively, watching him move about the house without leaving from her spot.

 

 

“Yep! She invited me to go see the new Dogcopter movie because her mom won tickets so we get to see it before it’s released!”

 

 

She has no idea what any of that means, but Lapis smiles a tiny bit at him and tells him that that sounds fun. Just saying those words makes Steven light up, coming to her and giving her a big hug—thankfully he pulls away before he can feel her tense at the contact—and promises that he’ll tell her all about it when he comes back.

 

 

He makes a quick note for the gems at the kitchen counter to let them know where he’s going, and then Steven is out the door and leaving Lapis…very alone. The silence leaves a ringing in her ears that mixes with the thrumming from the temple, creating a sort of nausea at the pit of her stomach.

 

 

She feels boxed in but ultimately has nowhere to go.

 

 

Lapis pulls her legs to her chest in a protective motion, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin atop her knees. The slight contentedness she’d felt while playing cards with Steven seems to evaporate very quickly until she’s left empty and hollow.

 

 

She knows feeling like this isn’t good or healthy…but she doesn’t know how to get past her insecurities and move on.

 

 

Only a handful of minutes pass before the warp pad lights up to reveal a single small gem—Peridot, and as ironic as it is to say, Lapis would much rather be alone with the thrumming of the temple than have to deal with the Homeworld gem.

 

 

At seeing Lapis against the cushion of the couch, a sort of look passes over Peridot’s face beneath her visor and she only minutely hitches in her steps when coming towards her. This makes Lapis tense very obviously, nails digging into the backs of her hands.

 

 

“What are you doing?” Her voice is quietly venomous.

 

 

“Y…you are actually the gem that I…came to find.”

 

 

This doesn’t sound good…

 

 

“Oh, really…” Lapis doesn’t sound impressed at all. Thankfully Peridot stops way before the couch, hands crossed over her tiny chest. Her body shivers a bit, making Lapis feel a bit smug at Peridot’s discomfort. “So you decided to warp wherever you came from to hopefully find me?”

 

 

Peridot makes an annoyed growl in her throat, irritated even though she’s intimidated by Lapis. “Yes, to put it simply. I have been working on something for a bit of time but have run into….technical difficulties if you will. Your assistance would be… _much_ appreciated.”

 

 

An alarm goes off in Lapis’s head, her eyes squinting to slits as she analyzes Peridot’s words. This Homeworld gem who locked her away for weeks, not caring about her emotional or physical well being suddenly wants her help? Honestly, Lapis is pretty surprised that Peridot openly came to her asking for help, but that just adds to her paranoia.

 

 

“Stop staring at me like that!” Peridot stomps her foot at Lapis, wriggling uncomfortably under her harsh gaze. “Are you going to come with me or not?”

 

 

“It depends. Where are we going?”

 

 

Peridot glowers at Lapis, lips a thin line while her mind runs rapidly at how to respond. Lapis wants to ultimately say no to her, both out of spite and discomfort, but she’s at least willing to see where the technician wants to take her.

 

 

“It’s…well…to a Kindergarten.”

 

 

Lapis’s jaw goes slack, but in all reality it makes sense that Peridot would want to take her there. She was a kindergarten technician specifically, right? Or something like that…

 

 

“Why do you want to take me to a kindergarten?...” the uneasiness only intensifies, really. She can’t fathom why Peridot would be in a kindergarten let alone need help doing something in regards to one.

 

 

Peridot smacks her forehead with the palm of her hand out of growing irritation with Lapis, sighing heavily. For someone who’d been avoiding her for so long, Peridot must have been in aching need of her help or else Lapis didn’t think she’d come to her at all. “It’s too difficult to explain here! Just come with me and then I can show you!”

 

 

“I don’t know…” Lapis tilts her head up, eyes giving a quiet warning to Peridot. “How can I trust you won’t do anything to me when we get there?”

 

 

“Are you serious?” The green gem hisses at her, pointing around them, “I wouldn’t dare go against the truce agreement that the Crystal Clo-- _Gems_ and I have created! Now, are you going to come with me and aid me, or are you going to sit here in this empty house and be all alone?”

 

 

That last part strikes a chord with Lapis, and she feels that Peridot did it on purpose. She’s still and silent for a long moment, weighing in on her options. If she stays here then she’s basically forcing herself to endure the loneliness and the uncomfortable pulsations from the temple…if she went with Peridot she’d be with her enemy, helping her do some kind of mysterious task.

 

 

Neither sound pleasing…but Lapis feels a bit comforted knowing that without those limb enhancers, Peridot is pretty much at a disadvantage in regards to strength.

 

 

And though Peridot makes Lapis furious just being around her…a masochistic part of Lapis is curious to see what exactly she wants.

 

 

So, standing up and patting at her dress, Lapis coolly walks past Peridot towards the warp pad. It feels odd, for she’s never once touched it since living at Steven’s. She’s thought of the possibilities of running away using it before, but Lapis has never made it past the house portion of the temple.

 

 

She stands on the cool crystal with her bare feet, looking over to Peridot who has a very surprised look on her face before jolting forward to join her. They spread further away from each other so they won’t touch and after Peridot gives her one last glance, they evaporate into a bluish white light, off to stars knows where.

 

 

\--

 

 

When they arrive, Lapis immediately feels a cold chill run through her at the sight before them. She’s stuck at the warp pad even though Peridot has already hopped off, walking down the side of a hill. Lapis steps off onto dry and compacted dirt, hurrying to catch up with the smaller gem so as to not get lost.

 

 

Everything is so dark and grey, dust or smog so thick that it blocks out the sunlight from reaching the two gems. Lapis feels so creeped out at the large injectors that litter the abandoned place, centuries old and cracked with wear from the elements. The holes at the sides of the mountains were humongous, reaching so far up that they disappear into that disgusting smog. She has no idea what kind of gems could emerge from holes that big…it terrifies her to think about it.

 

 

She’d heard of these types of kindergartens—ones where gems come out from the sides of mountains after sucking up the nutrients from the environment around them. Her own kindergarten was different—Lapis having emerged from the remnants of a planet’s ocean, deep within the tectonic plates.

 

 

“It’s like a graveyard…” She finds herself murmuring, getting an insulted gasp from Peridot who jerks her hands out around them.

 

 

“Are you that ignorant?! This kindergarten in particular is one of the most historically amazing sites in all of gem history! Putting aside that it was the place where many of the quartz used in the Homeworld war were bred and used to fight against Rose Quartz’s army, this kindergarten hasn’t been touch in…well, centuries!”

 

 

Lapis makes a motion with her hand, almost to say ‘and your point?’, making Peridot grumble a series of curses under her breath and stomp on in the direction that they’re currently going.

 

 

They make it to a square based hole in the ground not too long after, with Peridot pausing in front of it. It’s basically swallowed in darkness, making Lapis glance to the green gem with wariness.

 

 

“We’re going down there I’m guessing?” She asks Peridot, hoping that won’t really be the case…

 

 

“Of course we are.” Peridot says it plainly, hopping down into the sloped entrance and soon disappearing into the dark. Lapis stands there, wondering what exactly she just got herself into in agreeing to come here with Peridot. This kindergarten and this hole…it all just didn’t seem right with her.

 

 

Gripping to the edges of her dress to keep it down as she steps onto the sloped ridge of the hole, Lapis’s eyes go completely black before slowly adjusting to the dark colors of the tunnel within. There are wires and pieces of metal lining the hole that show gem craftsmanship, though even she can tell how archaic it is now that she’s been to Homeworld.

 

 

Lapis barely catches herself from tripping when the tunnel opens up to a large room with a master computer at the front. Peridot is already at the control podium, standing on top of an overturned metal box for height. Wires and bits of technology are strewn about the place, and in the corner there’s a little bed of blankets and a pillow—so this is where Peridot spends most of her time away from Steven and the Crystal Gems.

 

 

Peridot must have pressed a button at the podium, for the three large screens lining the ceiling of the room turn on, lighting them in green. Lapis has to shield her eyes at first while walking up to her, glancing over her shoulder to see what exactly Peridot’s doing. Her tiny fingers are working quickly, typing in codes and numbers so fast Lapis doesn’t even have time to process them. Some letters look familiar—the gem alphabet—but others are completely foreign to her.

 

 

“So…” Lapis seems to find her voice but speaks quietly, not wanting to disturb Peridot and whatever it is that she’s doing, “what exactly _is_ this?...”

 

 

Peridot still jumps, giving a soft cry of surprise before glaring at Lapis. “What do you _mean_ ‘what is this’? It’s a lab!”

 

 

“A lab from the Homeworld war?”

 

 

“Precisely. Though it…has different uses now.”

 

 

For some reason those words make Lapis’s stomach jump to her throat. Peridot made it seem so ominous…it didn’t sound good at all.

 

 

“What…do you mean?”

 

 

Peridot pauses her typing to sigh heavily at Lapis, making the blue gem a little upset at how Peridot can make her feel so stupid with the littlest effort. “As you know, this kindergarten was created by Yellow Diamond in order to defeat Rose Quartz’s army stationed on this miserable planet called Earth. When Yellow Diamond realized that she was losing the war, she invested quite a bit of resources into creating…something special.”

 

 

Lapis stares at the back of Peridot’s head, secretly terrified as to what she could mean by “something special”. She’d never met Yellow Diamond, but Lapis had heard quite a bit of stories about her. Out of the three diamonds, she was the most militaristic, the most dominating. “Fear” was not in Yellow Diamond’s vocabulary…unless it was in regards to inflicting it onto her enemies.

 

 

Lapis can only guess what Peridot is going to tell her is something terrible and overly destructive.

 

 

“Go on…” she urges quietly, swallowing thickly.

 

 

Peridot hesitates at that, obviously struggling to release top secret information to Lapis who in all regards can be considered lower in gem hierarchy than Peridot. A spike of annoyance makes Lapis growl at the tiny gem to “spit it out”, in which Peridot slams a fist down onto the podium. A large image settles itself onto the center screen before them with tinier images with numbers and gauges popping up soon after. The gauges fluctuate, the numbers changing depending on what the gauges signify.

 

 

“What is this?” Her breath leaves her at the sight of the main image—a very blurry and broken feed of something that looks very similar to a gem. It’s hard to see exactly how it looks though, perhaps because of how old and broken the technology being used is. “Is it a—“

 

 

“A gem? Precisely. It’s called the ‘Cluster’.”

 

 

Lapis doesn’t understand. All gems come from the ground…this one doesn’t seem that much different than the norm? “What’s so special about it then?”

 

 

“The resources that Yellow Diamond used were...the shards of fallen gems on the battleground forcefully fused together to…make one large gem.”

 

 

Forced fusion? Lapis didn’t think that that was possible. True, Malachite hadn’t exactly been the most consensual of fusions, but at least she and Jasper had been whole and consciously able to make the decisions for themselves. These…if Peridot is correct, poor shattered gems had been forced to come together?

 

 

That…sounded excruciatingly painful…not to mention sad.

 

 

Lapis covers her mouth with a shaking hand, staring at the image. Looking at it more in depth, even with the fuzziness of the image she can see that it has multiple arms and legs. It looks as though it’s sleeping…stars knows how something with a multitude of gems will act once it wakes up.

 

 

“This…is in the Earth?”

 

 

Peridot has turned to look at Lapis, studying her face. Giving a curt nod, she says, “Yes. It’s deep within the Earth’s core and has been incubating for thousands of Earth years. The temperature and elemental construct of the core was a perfect incubation chamber for it to grow.”

 

 

“If it’s been incubating for that long, then…when is it supposed to hatch?” Lapis doesn’t want to know, she feels like she already knows the answer…

 

 

“If my calculations are correct? Then it could hatch as soon as four Earth months.”

 

 

Feeling sick, Lapis steps back and clutches at her arms. Her breathing becomes labored as thoughts race through her mind.  Four months in gem time was nothing but a blink of an eye. Lapis had only just been set free from the mirror…had only just been set free from Malachite.

 

 

Now this?

 

 

She can’t believe it…if something roughly the size of the Earth tries to break free from the core then the entire planet would probably have to collapse. The thought of that is terrifying alone, but Lapis’s immediate thought is Steven.

 

 

In four months Steven could…would be dead. All of them would be dead.

 

 

Peridot continues to stare at her, a surprising look of sympathy crossing her features quickly before that look of indifference takes place once more.

 

 

“And what about Yellow Diamond? Have you already contacted her?” Lapis is struggling to stay calm, quivering in the very spot that she’s standing in. “Is she on her way? Is there any way that she might get us off of this planet before it explodes?”

 

 

Lapis knows that she’s weak and petty to assume such things, especially after being basically imprisoned by Yellow Diamond on the return to Earth, but she was their best chance of getting Steven off of this planet…of survival.

 

 

Peridot says nothing, turning back to the screen on the podium and typing something that seems to have caught her interest.

 

 

“Peridot? I asked you something.” Lapis takes a step around the podium to look at her directly, not liking how the green gem is avoiding eye contact again. She murmurs something quietly under her breath, making Lapis have to strain to hear but ultimately isn’t able to pick it up. “What was that?”

 

 

“I said…she hasn’t responded to any of my messages that I’ve sent her.”

 

 

What…no.

 

 

“Maybe there was just faulty connection? Have you tried fixing the signal or something?”

 

 

That gets a bark of laughter from Peridot, but Lapis can tell that the small gem is trying to keep it together and not break. “Y-you think I haven’t _tried_ that already? The connection is old, but it’s fine. I’ve worked from Homeworld accessing the databases in this computer’s system many times before…it can reach Yellow Diamond…it just…she…” Peridot drifts off, eyes looking glassy while she runs a hand through her triangular hair.

 

 

“I would have thought…since you’re one of her best technicians and Jasper is a high ranking general that she’d at least come to rescue you two…” Lapis is so shell shocked by the entire situation that she can’t even bring herself to say the words with venom. “So she’s given up on you?”

 

 

Peridot hisses at her, Lapis having struck a sensitive cord with her, but Peridot just caves a little and murmurs, “That is the only conclusion that I can come up with.”

 

 

Lapis hates it, but she feels sympathy for Peridot.

 

 

To go from a beloved technician to gem fodder…had Yellow Diamond considered this when sending the three of them off to Earth?

 

 

How cruel…

 

 

“So when the Cluster hatches, will it just find its way back to Yellow Diamond?” Lapis can’t help but stare at that image feed again, realizing now that the gauges must be its vitals. She hears a quiet “I’m not sure” from Peridot, the screen soon clearing, the Cluster disappearing from view.

 

 

“And…when you said that you needed my help earlier, what did you mean by that?”

 

 

Peridot steps off of her metal box, rubbing at her arm in a way Lapis has learned to be a nervous habit of hers. She bites at her lip, glancing at Lapis a couple of times.

 

 

“Perhaps right now isn’t the best time to disclose that information.”

 

 

“And why not? If anything it’s the best time to talk about it. You made it sound so important back at Steven’s home, why are you suddenly so secretive about it?”

 

 

Peridot looks uncomfortable, closing in on herself. The mentioning of Yellow Diamond had really done a number on her confidence, and though Lapis felt bad for her to a degree, she wants answers.

 

 

“Is there a way for us to destroy the Cluster? Is that why you brought me here to show me this?”

 

 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now! I just felt as though it wasn’t… _right_ for you to be blindly ignorant of what is happening. We’ll talk about the rest at another time.”

 

 

Lapis glares at her but doesn’t say more. Peridot turns the screens off, surrounding them in darkness and is already hurrying towards the tunnel at a fast walk, hands clutched at her sides. Lapis looks back at the blank screen one more time, imagining the image of the Cluster before following after her towards the warp pad.

 

 

\--

 

 

When they arrive back at the temple, there is a heavy energy surrounding Lapis that makes her feel like she’s suffocating. She staggers and holds onto a standing piece of crystal, gripping at her chest through the fabric of her dress. Peridot stands before her, not knowing what to do and obviously confused by the situation.

 

 

Lapis searches the temple with hazy eyes and feels the immediate thrums that she knows all too well, drumming against her core, calling to her. It’s so frenzied at this point, pulsating quickly and nearly pulling her in the direction towards the temple door. Almost immediately she notices that the starred insignia is completely lit—the same way it lights up whenever one of the Crystal Gems summons their room to enter.

 

 

The energy from the temple seems to be tugging at her now with great intensity and with a bit of struggle she takes the first step forward. Lapis hears a strangled noise come from Peridot but she doesn’t expend any more energy than she has to in order to get to the temple door. Obviously something from within is calling to her…and though Lapis is scared beyond belief, she needs to know what exactly it is.

 

 

Nothing can be worse than a gigantic forced fusion in the center of the Earth ready to burst and kill all of humanity and the gems living on it.

 

 

Panting for air, Lapis keeps one hand to the wall while the other is at her chest. The moment she’s before the door, it opens, revealing a tunnel made of reddish pink rock. The stone is warm to the touch and so she follows it though it definitely takes her time—she feels like her head is going to burst the deeper within the temple that she gets.

 

 

It feels like forever, and by the time Lapis enters a chamber of sorts, she’s nearly ready to fall to her knees and pass out. The scene that she walks in on keeps her from doing so, and if anything it brings reality crashing down into her fogged mind.

 

 

The chamber holds bubbled gems near its ceiling, thick roots of stone winding about and passing into the concrete floor that has canals engrained into it for lava to easily stream through. Lapis finds all of this mystifying…but it’s the two crystal gems—Garnet and Pearl, that make her gasp loudly, fear rocking her to the core. Garnet jerks her head towards Lapis from where she’s holding onto a very large, very muscular arm. Pearl curses and is easily thrown from where she too had been trying to keep the towering, monstrous form of a gem at bay, her orange skin illuminated by the light from the well of lava in the center of the room.

 

 

Amber colored eyes lock with Lapis’s dark blue and she’s so shocked that she finds she can’t even breathe. The thrumming has stopped, the heavy energy encasing her completely gone the moment their eyes met.

 

 

Jasper’s entire body goes ridged with rage, her fangs clenching tightly together while her lips pull back in a ferocious sneer.

 

 

“ _You.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no post! So sorry for the wait, you guys! Maybe some of you saw my comment on the last chapter but my computer actually broke and so I had to get a new one but then finals also came around the corner and it's just taken me this long to get back into writing..! Please forgive me ; (
> 
> As usual, comments would be lovely!!
> 
> And gasp!! Jasper intro!


	6. Lightning and Thunder

So many things happen at once.

 

 

Lapis can hear the shouts from Pearl and a recently arrived Peridot, but they seem watered down and tinny, like they’re far away. Her eyes can’t leave Jasper, though they’ve widened and become glassy with unshed tears.

 

 

Fear latches at her soul and she is struck still, not able to move her body at all.

 

 

Just seeing the anger and literal hate in Jasper’s amber eyes has her throat clench up, her body shiver and shake. She watches as the giant gem takes a forceful step forward, meaty hand reaching for her. The memory of Jasper’s fist around her neck comes to mind, and Lapis is luckily able to take a step back before Jasper can make contact.

 

 

There’s a roar from the orange gem, and it only takes a moment before Garnet has a hold on her again, gauntlet clad hands pulling her back by sheer strength. Jasper is stumbling on unsteady feet, and there’s a sudden wince that catches Lapis’s attention.

 

 

Jasper tries to hide it as fast as she can, but Lapis has already seen it.

 

 

Jasper wasn’t fully healed.

 

 

Quickly, sound begins flooding into her ears more clearly, and with a deep breath she’s brought fully to the scene before her. The loud growling and cursing from Jasper, Garnet’s strained noises while trying to keep the strong General at bay. She sees now how the chamber before her has some damage to it—the Crystal Gems had been trying to get a hold on Jasper for some time now.

 

 

Lapis flicks her head towards Garnet when the gem calls out for Pearl.

 

 

“Pearl! The bracelet!”

 

 

The flighty gem reacts to the commanding voice, taking something circular into her hand and arcs her way over towards Jasper. Lapis watches Jasper try and break free but now that she’s noticed it, there’s a definite way in how she moves that shows she’s in pain. In each roll of her massive shoulders there’s a jolt following it, as if something sharp rips through her.

 

 

Pearl must notice this as well, for she moves towards Jasper in a way that looks as though the large orange gem may grapple at her, and once that hand reaches out—no doubt in hopes to tear Pearl to shreds—the thinner gem twirls out of the way and latches a dark silver bracelet to Jasper’s wrist. At first glance the bracelet itself seems to be too tiny, but it enlarges itself to fit more securely around the red stripes of her skin.

 

 

The result is instantaneous, and in no time at all it seems as though Jasper’s lost all of her will to put up a fight. The tension in her back and shoulders loses its momentum until she’s just a panting mess, hate and anger still evident in her wild eyes. The opposite hand takes a hold of the bracelet, trying its hardest to yank it off but it won’t budge. Lapis can see the panic flitter across Jasper’s face when she realizes that it won’t come off.

 

 

“What have you _done_?” Jasper hisses, jerking her head around for someone to spit her hostility towards. For some reason, Garnet’s let Jasper go though Lapis can’t understand why, just as Jasper locks her eyes onto Pearl. Repeating herself, she holds her arm up to show the dangling bracelet, “ _What have you done?”_

 

Pearl still has her weapon out, but it’s resting erect at her side while she tries to gain confidence in directly speaking with Jasper. She clears her throat and gestures towards the bracelet with a slightly shaky but delicate hand. “This…this bracelet is a way of keeping you from hurting any of us and there is no possible way of you taking it off by yourself.”

 

 

Lapis watches Jasper’s lips form into a thick scowl.

 

 

“What do you intend to do? Keep me under your control?”

 

 

Pearl looks surprised by such a thought and she immediately corrects Jasper. “Stars no, you have complete autonomy! There’s just no possible way for you to react with violence. The bracelet takes all of the energy that would be used to harm and in turn that reinforces its protective barrier.”

 

 

Garnet, now standing with her arms crossed over her chest speaks up to add to the conversation: “The only counter to this is if your life is in danger. If you are under attack then you have the ability to protect yourself.”

 

 

Lapis stands there, still shivering while trying to process all of this information. Her dark blue eyes are staring intensely at the piece of jewelry around Jasper’s wrist—it reminds her too much of the mirror.

 

 

How much can she trust in what they’re saying…

 

 

Pearl continues on, a bit closer to her usual egocentric self. “You see, while you were bubbled away safely in Garnet’s chamber, we were able to find the bracelet in Amethyst’s room—despite how disgustingly chaotic it is, it really can provide with some treasures at times. I went into old gem archives to try and find what exactly it was…needless to say it’s quite a useful little trinket. It truly holds no other value than to neutralize any forms of violence stemming from hate and anger, possibly a tool used with old gem prisoners.”

 

 

Saying ‘prisoners’ probably wasn’t the best thing for Pearl to say. Jasper’s eyes flash and she goes to reach out for her with clawed hands, only to have them fall limp a couple inches from Pearls’ body. A frustrated roar escapes Jasper’s throat.

 

 

“What do you _want_ with me?”

 

 

There’s silence, save for the quiet ‘popping’ of the lava within the chamber. The question hangs heavily in the air and Lapis doesn’t know where to look. Peridot is at her side, shaking and quivering but she isn’t sure if that’s just Peridot being herself or if it’s because of something else.

 

 

Lapis wonders how Jasper reformed if she wasn’t fully healed. She supposes that she understands wanting to keep her violence under control, but by what Pearl had said, it makes Lapis wonder if they’d been searching for something like the bracelet for a long while. With her wariness of the Crystal Gems as it is, she has a feeling that there’s something going on. An even warier part of her is starting to wonder if the Crystal Gems had forced Jasper out of her gem in order to put the bracelet on her, but knowing Jasper she could have just been stubborn enough to make herself materialize anyway…

 

 

Lapis wonders, could any of this have something to do with the Cluster?

 

 

“Peridot.” Garnet’s voice makes the tiny gem jump in surprise. Just hearing that name makes Jasper turn her attention to Peridot—something akin to betrayal flits across her features before it returns to its scowl. Peridot definitely notices this and winces visibly, shying away from such a loathing look.

 

 

“Yes…?” She tries to keep her attention away from Jasper but winces once more when she hears a scoff coming from the general.

 

 

“So I see your loyalties have changed.” Jasper jerks her head over to where garnet and Pearl stand for emphasis. “Siding with the enemy—obviously honor and duty mean nothing to you.”

 

 

The look on Peridot’s face is somewhat related to the look Steven would give if he was being chastised by Pearl for doing something naughty—Lapis is intrigued. She’d never exactly given Peridot or Jasper’s relationship a serious thought before. They’d been assigned to the same task, making Lapis think that Jasper was there to just accomplish their mission.

 

 

Obviously by the hurt that Jasper is trying oh-so-hard to hide shows that this simply isn’t the case. The fact that an angry brute—a brute that tried to suffocate her—can have such a look of pure let-down blows Lapis’s mind.

 

 

“I…I…” Peridot’s squeaky voice is shaky and she doesn’t know exactly where to look. “I simply _had_ to, Jasper…I couldn’t just—“

 

 

“Shut it. I should have known someone as weak as a lowly Peridot would switch sides whenever the opportunity opened itself. You’re a _traitor_ to Yellow Diamond.” The last bit is said through clenched fangs, Jasper’s hands balling into fists.

 

 

“N-no…no, Jasper I just…there’s something infinitely larger going on that—“

 

 

“ _I don’t care.”_

 

 

Even Lapis can feel the rumble of Jasper’s snarl move through her, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. The hulk of a gem, despite having a bracelet to prevent violence, still causes quite a bit of fear in Lapis that makes her angry.

 

 

“Peridot.” Garnet’s voice projects itself in a way that is able to slice through the thickening tension between the smaller gem and her bodyguard general. “Were you able to take Lapis to the Kindergarten?”

 

 

“You _what?”_ Jasper takes a few steps towards Peridot, claws raised up towards the ceiling in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you even told these traitors about…” here Jasper drifts off, eyes squinting and sliding over to Lapis. The silence between them, the unavoidable hostility makes Lapis—despite such fears—glare back.

 

 

“What, the Cluster?” Lapis finishes for her, voice complete with apathy. “I might know a little about it.”

 

 

Lapis then turns towards Garnet, that glare not once leaving her face. The leader of the Crystal Gems doesn’t seem bothered at all, not even changing her leisurely stance. She clearly doesn’t feel threatened by anything or anyone in the room—or if she did she kept it well in check.

 

 

“So that was your plan, was it? To get Peridot to take me down to the Kindergarten and show me the monstrosity that’s at the center of the Earth?” Now Lapis even has a bit of bite in her tone.

 

 

“Yes.” Is all Garnet says in response.

 

 

Lapis feels her cheeks heat up. “Why? Why go through all of that trouble?”

 

 

“To put it simply, we need your help.” And then her head tilts a bit towards Jasper’s direction. “ _Both_ of you.”

 

 

No…

 

 

Oh this is rich…

 

 

A bark of laughter escapes Lapis and she’s covering her mouth with the back of her hand. Why she’s laughing she isn’t sure—out of disbelief or just purely feeling overwhelmed, either way she can’t believe what she’s hearing.

 

 

“You would have never gone to the Kindergarten otherwise, correct?” Garnet asks, “And I am quite certain that somewhere deep inside of yourself you wanted to go.”

 

 

This takes Lapis aback a bit to the point where she flounders in how to respond. Instead she diverts back to the issue at hand. “So what you’re saying is…you wanted Peridot to take me down to the kindergarten, see how horrible it is and become… _sympathetic_ or something to help you destroy it?”

 

 

“Precisely.”

 

 

The look on Lapis’s face must be rather dower because Pearl comes forward, long hand resting at Garnet’s arm. “Oh Lapis please don’t think of it as if we’re using you for your powers. We’ve actually grown quite fond of you…”

 

 

Somehow it’s hard for her to believe that.

 

 

“I won’t do it.”

 

 

Heads turn towards Jasper, the general with her arms crossed over her broad chest. “I’m not going to go against Yellow Diamond like this. I came here to protect the Cluster, not destroy it.”

 

 

Peridot hesitates, eyes shifting about in hopes of finding some easy way of telling Jasper the bad news. “W…well you see, about that, Jasper…”

 

 

A pause. “You might want to… _reevaluate_ that loyalty…”

 

 

Jasper growls lowly in her throat, almost like that of a wild animal. “No.”

 

 

“Y-you have to!” For the first time Peridot looks with exasperation at Jasper, almost pleading with her. “Jasper, Yellow Diamond hasn’t responded to any of the messages that I’ve sent to her since we’ve arrived on this planet.”

 

 

“Then you’re just not doing it right. What about the Homeworld warp? We’ll just use that to get—“

 

 

“It’s been… _destroyed_.”

 

 

The first break in resolve hits Jasper and Lapis can see something begin to shift.

 

 

Peridot then continues, sounding oddly sympathetic towards the orange gem, “I didn’t want to believe it either, Jasper. That Yellow Diamond would just give up on us…but I’ve been sending her messages and signals for months. She may be far away but there is no possibility that she has never received them…she’s just choosing to ignore them.”

 

 

Jasper, still wary and not sure what to believe, shakes her head. “I’m still not doing it. Even if what you’ve said is true I won’t help. I’ll just find my own way off of this planet without destroying the Cluster. Even if I have to rebuild the Homeworld warp myself.”

 

 

The silence that follows makes the orange gem look about with irritated confusion, not liking that she doesn’t know something that everyone else seems to.

 

 

“I hate to ruin your plans, Jasper,” Pearl says, which creates a hostile glare from the general, “but unless you have the necessary equipment to recreate the warp pad—crystals that you can only find on Homeworld mind you—and have the knowledge on how to construct and power said warp pad, then you’ll stay stuck here like the rest of us.”

 

 

Jasper is having a hard time allowing someone like a Pearl to speak to her in such a way. Lapis wonders what kinds of destruction she’d be causing if the bracelet wasn’t attached to her thick wrist.

 

 

“Plus, with the fact that you more than likely _don’t_ know how to do any of those things and none of us are willing to help you—then you must know that we are on very limited time.”

 

 

A dark brow quirks up and Jasper gives an incredulous, “and what does _that_ mean?”

 

 

“That means that the Cluster is about to hatch…” Peridot gazes up to Jasper, her small hands wringing together in a nervous habit.

 

 

Realization dawns on Jasper and she’s taking a step back, eyes widening.

 

 

“You’re lying.”

 

 

Peridot gives a shaky laugh. “I’m a Peridot, Jasper. I give facts and statistics. Lying isn’t in my vocabulary.”

 

 

Lapis has only seen Peridot so meek when with Amethyst—usually the green gem is snippy and a bit egotistical.

 

 

Today has been a very long and odd day.

 

 

“And just how long do we have?” Jasper’s voice rasps out quietly, focused solely on Peridot.

 

 

“At most, four Earth months.”

 

 

Jasper doesn’t seem to be able to equate that to Homeworld’s timeframe but she finally, begrudgingly, looks back towards Garnet.

 

 

“What do you want from me.” It’s not complacency but it’s not outright rejection either.

 

 

Garnet adjusts her visor and gestures to both Jasper and Lapis. “The Cluster is centered in the core of this planet—I can withstand the heat and pressure, but I will not be able to do it alone. Lapis has shown incredible ability in controlling large amounts of water—we are producing a weapon in order to get us to the Cluster, but there will need to be someone who can keep it from overheating and someone else with intense strength to guide it correctly to the heart of the cluster.”

 

 

“Both of you have proven that you can withstand the intense pressures of the ocean, which gives the possibility that you would also be able to handle the weight of the Earth.”

 

 

Lapis stands still, taking deep breaths. Pearl can say all that she wants, but Garnet and the Crystal Gems were definitely using her for her abilities. She wonders if this had been their idea all along…to find Malachite, separate her and get Lapis and Jasper to do the dirty work for them—even if it meant their gems might shatter.

 

 

“I won’t do it.” They both say it at the same time, gold and blue eyes darting towards each other with surprise. Lapis then glares at her, jutting a thumb in her direction.

 

 

“I’ve spent too much time stuck with her to ever _think_ about working with her, let alone possibly _dying_ with what you want us to do.”

 

 

Jasper grunts coldly, agreeing without verbally doing so.

 

 

“Fuck this.” She grinds out, storming past the smaller gems towards the long corridors that exit out of the temple. “I won’t subjugate myself to being some lowly gem that answers to a _fusion_ of all people.”

 

 

Peridot whines and scampers after the general. “Jasper…wait!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, you guys! A lot of you were worried I'd dropped this fic but no worries! I have quite a few chapters outlined it's just that I've been busy juggling work, school, and health issues all at the same time. So thanks for being patient with me :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first published fic, so please be gentle in remarks to wonkiness with the writing! 
> 
> Updates should more or less be once a week after the first two chapters are posted :)


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